Staying with a host family can be an extraordinary experience for anyone engaged in work, travel, schooling, teaching, interning, or living abroad! Not only do you get the equivalent of home-court advantage as a visitor to your new location, you also get the added perspective of a local person’s knowledge-base.
You’ll get the insider scoop on transportation, food, local customs, regional language differences, and all of the other amazing reasons you pursue meaningful travel opportunities for in the first place.
Your host family provides both a security blanket AND the push to leave your comfort zone.
So, what do you do when host family problems arise? How should you respond if the folks who have opened their home to you seem to not be a great fit? And how do you turn things around (or decide when it’s time to pull up stakes) when the tips you’ve been given for living with a host family abroad don’t seem to work?
Fortunately, there are some suggestions that will help you make the best of a tricky situation or make a plan of action if you really feel that your match just isn't right for you.
Is living with a host family worth it?
If you’re concerned about potential host family problems, you might be wondering if living with a host family is worth it. The short answer to this question is: YES! And and for so many reasons! When you plan ahead for your time abroad, there are tips that will help you make the most of your unique opportunity.
But, there are also some standard advantages that are basic to most host family experiences. When you stay with a host family, rather than in student-only housing, an apartment, or a dorm, you will get a more engaged and intimate look at life in your new location.
During a homestay, you’ll become a member of the family!
You will be part of a larger daily routine than just your own. And, you will be able to observe what day-to-day life is like through the eyes of local residents. Best of all, you can still do all of this while independently exploring the places and spaces that call to you.
When it’s a good fit, living with a host family really can be the best option for you, even if it’s not perfect. After all, living with anyone else—roommates, partners, family, friends—can always present some challenges.
5 challenges you might face when living with a host family
1. Different expectations about the experience
Some families open their homes to those seeking meaningful travel abroad experiences because they are equally eager for their own learning opportunities while staying at home. This is a great advantage to being a host, but if those expectations aren’t communicated early on, it can cause confusion.
For example, if your host family expects that you will receive free room and board in exchange for tutoring their high schooler in language, and that isn’t clear at the beginning, tensions and host family problems can certainly arise.
READ: What to Expect When Living with a Host Family
2. Curfews and other limits the family wants you to follow
You might be used to coming and going as you please in your ordinary life, but it’s good to remember that one of the more common host family problems can be connected to expectations around time for being in their home, time for waking up, or time for lights out.
Some host families might expect that you will be available to join them for a nightly meal, share an early morning breakfast together, or be at home and quiet each evening sooner than you might like. Having a strong sense of their expectations around time will prevent misunderstandings.
3. Language barriers can cause problems
If you feel isolated due to the language barrier, be sure to reach out to your study abroad advisor.
When you’re traveling abroad, your proficiency (or lack of proficiency) with the language can create friction or contribute to host family problems. The program you’ve enrolled in might not require fluency, but the host family might have their own expectations around their ability to communicate with you, and you with them.
Additional problems can occur if your lack of language skills cause you to make unintentional errors that are offensive or rude. Remember to be clear with your host family about your skill-level at the beginning and politely ask for help.
READ: Living with Strangers: Homestays 101
4. Differences in food choices or culinary habits can be difficult
This host family problem is really just the flip-side of a host family advantage—but it’s certainly one to consider as a possible concern. On the positive side, when you stay in a family home, you gain access to the host family’s favorite foods from the location you’re visiting.
However, those favorites might not agree with you and it could be culturally problematic for you to refuse. Likewise, you might be in a location where things like eggs, dairy, and meats are not refrigerated or stored in ways you’re used to, so it’s important to remember the balance with cultural norms.
5. Personality differences can sometimes be too tough to overcome
As with anything in life, some people simply don’t get along. Sometimes staying with a host family can create rewarding relationships that last a lifetime—but sometimes, despite your best efforts, the personality differences between you and members of your host family can be problematic enough to make the arrangement a bad fit.
The best approach is to remember that respect is always the right way to handle a difficult issue, but if the connections between you and your host family are damaging the overall experience, it’s likely time to contact your advisor.
NEXT: Explore Homestay Programs Abroad
5 tips for dealing with host family problems
1. Consider ways you can improve the situation with communication
It might be tempting to retreat to your room, put in headphones, or focus on your devices when you’re experiencing discomfort. However, the best way to address any issue of concern is through clear and respectful communication.
Keep in mind that in some cultures, direct confrontation would be unacceptable—so when you consider tips for living with a host family abroad, remember to ask your advisor about what they recommend if problems do arise. Sometimes the best way to avoid problems is to prepare for them.
2. Build time for restorative self-care and mental health into your routine
Take time for yourself so you can be fully present to others.
Even in the best circumstances, individuals need time and space for restorative self-care and mental health practices built into their routines. Whether a walk in the neighborhood, meditation or yoga, dancing, dining out, or even time spent alone, make sure you’re giving yourself space.
When living with a host family abroad is important to have enough personal time so you are your best self with others. And, when there are problems, you have a stronger foundation with which to address them.
READ: The Ultimate Pros and Cons of a Homestay Abroad
3. Ask your host family to share their culture with you
Often, host families are eager to welcome others because they are excited about the opportunity to share their lives or their culture with visitors from abroad. When you arrive, remember that living with a host family tips will (and should) include recommendations to demonstrate genuine interest and curiosity as to the host family’s culture, story, and way of life.
Staying with a host family is so much more than a lodging option, and if you remember that you’re living in your host family’s home, it can create a strong basis for respectful conversation.
4. Be proactive about asking for the family’s rules and expectations
When it comes to tips for living with a host family abroad, it’s important to be clear and proactive when asking about the family’s rules and expectations. You might ask them if they’ve ever hosted before and to share with you what worked well and what they might hope you would do differently.
You could ask them to help you understand the best ways for you to contribute to their household rules; or, if there is anything they would like you to do or not do in order to maintain harmony in their home. The best way to be a good guest is sometimes just to ask.
READ: 7 Tips for Coming Out to Your Host Family Abroad
5. Share your life with your host family in meaningful ways
One person who regularly lived with host families during her study abroad experiences suggested that when problems would arise, she would remind herself that they were most likely temporary.
She reports sharing her life with the host family and leaning into the things that they all enjoyed. In some cases, these things are rugby games in South Africa or watching Indian soap operas while in India. As you’re living with a host family, it can help to see this as an opportunity to share your culture, stories, and life with them, as well.
It’s normal to face challenges when living with a host family
Interpersonal tension is never easy, but you will always grow from it.
Remember that any shared living arrangement can create stress. In fact, you might even think of the discomfort that can arise from living with a host family as part of your overall learning experience. Being outside your comfort zone is, after all, uncomfortable—but the areas where tensions arise can often be the same spaces you experience breakthroughs.
You should always reach out to your program staff for support when needed; that’s why those roles exist! While it’s very important to not minimize a situation in which you feel unsafe or at risk, in most cases, you can likely find a solution, and your time abroad will be even better for it.
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